How I Became A Homosexual

By Effa Tambenkongho In South Africa

She is young, soft and kind with all the effeminate qualities, but her urge to 'make love' to a woman is irresistible. She is a lesbian and she makes no secret of it.
These 'bizarre' emotional predispositions began manifesting in Valerie Ntombifathi Musa Ngubane, a South African from the Zulu clan, at the age of 14.

Now a first year student at the University of South Africa and reporting for Behind the Mask, an on-line magazine that focuses on gay and lesbian affairs in Africa, Ngubane told The Post in Grahamstown, South Africa, recently that she discovered she was attracted to women at 14.

"That was when I fell in love with my very first girlfriend," she said. "At first I thought I just liked her, but later I realised I was attracted to her."
At six, Ngubane explained, she was playing a game called 'House' with other children and she insisted to be the father. When the children went to bed, she also did with "her wife." She felt an urge to kiss her and she did climb on her.

Ngubane said she thought there was something wrong. "How can I instead be attracted to a woman?" she wondered. She said she felt like a man yet she was developing like a woman. "I thought I could keep it to myself." The lesbian later told her 17-year-old friend who advised her to be true to herself and feelings. The friend also advised her to see a pastor to pray for her because, according to her, it is a sin against God. She proposed to take her to the Independent Baptist Church.

Ngubane said she also did some research. She said was watching TV one day and they were talking about lesbians and gays. She said she looked up the meaning of the words in a dictionary and realised they applied to her feelings. She said she thought if she found a boyfriend he would help her get out of the feeling for women.
"I dated a boy for one year but there was no change," Ngubane said. She had earlier informed him she could be lesbian.

"Making love to him was like giving myself to him, it was not a pleasant feeling," she said. So she called off the relationship.
"I knew I had to be true to my feelings," she said and that it would get to her family like a bomb.

On a certain vacation, she said, she went to a relative's house. Her mother, on cleaning her room, discovered a little box in which she had been keeping all her love letters and cards from her loved ones. She said her mother immediately drove to where Ngubane was vacationing. "There was nothing I could do but to tell her the truth," she told this reporter. She said her mother had seen many girls coming to visit her but it never crossed her mind that she could be lesbian.

Ngubane said she did not care about her father's feelings because he has no say. (Her parents had separated since she was 12). Her elder sister, she said, was surprised but gave her support.

Ngubane said about 70 percent of the South African female football team players are lesbians. As she came in contact with them, they introduced her to the lesbian culture in a Johannesburg church, called Hope and Unity Metropolitan Community Church.

Talking briefly on how she got into the organisation and its role, Ngubane said she came in contact with the webmaster of Behind the Mask, Zanele Muholi, through whom she was given some journalistic training and was finally recruited as a reporter in charge of lesbian and gay affairs in East Africa.

Behind the Mask, she said, is the brainchild of Part Lurlink, a journalist from Holland but the Director is Thuli Madi. She said they have as mission to promote ICT within the lesbian and gay communities in Africa.

My Fiancée

Ngubane said she is affianced to a girl called Pongiwa Ndlovu. She said she met her three years back in their church. After service, she walked up to her and introduced herself.
"I couldn't get her out of my mind," she stated. But our relationship was confirmed on November 7, 2002.

Ngubane said they are in the process of marriage.
"We are already a couple," she said. "We are trying to change the common law, which states that marriage is between a woman and a man."
On having kids, she said she is still a woman. "I enjoy my womanhood and will enjoy being pregnant and also nursing a baby."

Ngubane and Pongiwa have identified a gay couple and it is just a matter time, they would both have their babies with them, though nothing will exist between them.

Lovemaking

"Doing it with a woman I look at her lips, breasts, calves. When I get deep I feel like kissing her, touching her. I get a sensation like butterflies in my stomach and the only way I can satisfy the sensation is to get naked, exploring her body and she exploring mine, our breasts touching," she said. 
Ngubane also smokes cigarettes. This, she started when she was 12, trying to imitate her dad.

Who Takes The Blame?

Homosexuality continues to be a subject of controversy even within the Christian community, says Jauda Kinge Zane, from Nigeria, contributing in BBC's Africa Live of July 4, 2002, on the topic Breaking Homosexuality in Africa.

"We are aware that there are persons who have formed homosexual behaviours or have that orientation towards persons of the same sex, by either poor parenting or hormonal activities during development. We sympathise with them but we do not give them any rights or respect their behaviour. But we respect them as human beings created in God's image," he avers.

Kinge argued that principles of moral conduct must not be changed with time in the name of tolerance or human right. "I, therefore, call on the whole world to disrespect homosexuality."

Homosexuality is said to be taboo in many parts of Africa. It is said to be un-African and does not exist on the continent, thereby calling on African governments to suppress it.
According to the Cameroonian penal code, homosexuality is an offence punishable by up to five years imprisonment.

Presently some 11 alleged homosexuals arrested in a nightclub in a neighbourhood in Yaounde, in May, have been detained at the Kondengui Central Prison in Yaounde. Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe one described homosexuals as being "worse than dogs and pigs".

South Africa is the only country, which has the most permissive gay rights legislation in the whole world, which has also played host to several successful gay pride marches (this is a yearly gathering of all gays in South Africa every last Saturday of September).

A preacher from Ghana, Williams Duncan, had said in one of his messages that males or females sometimes behave like the opposite sex because when the mother is pregnant her thoughts get to the baby's subconscious mind. She might be pregnant with a female but she is longing for a male.

"This thought will get to the baby's subconscious mind that she is male, meanwhile, she is female. The baby is born and starts behaving like a male," Duncan posited.

As concerns the detained supposed gays in Cameroon, she said their release has been difficult because of bureaucracy and lack of gay human rights movements in Cameroon. But so far, they have lobbied some human rights organisations and some two gay lawyers have agreed to take up the case.

Comments

[King EL]

This stuff is gradually gaining grounds in Africa. No matter what explanations people give for becoming gays and lesbians, I do not buy them. Testoterone, Estrogen, learned from parents or even the pastor's subconcious theory are just a bunch of "BS" Let any lesbian or gay answer the following questions: If their parents had gotten married to people of the same sex, how could they have been born? If everyone gets married to someone of the same sex, how do we ensure the continuation of the Human Specie?
Enough of all the flimpsy escuses, get your lives together before the wrath of nature descends on you all. Women, there are many men out there who can make you happy. Men there are many women out there who can make you happy. You just have to find the right one. Viel Gluek!

[Ma Mary]

Homosexuality has always existed in our society. It is not being introduced from outside. We just have a hard time owning up to that fact. As long as adults are not exploiting children, as was the case with the Catholic Priest scandals in the United States, we should be careful about how we impose our views and prejudices. Those who are not homosexual are never going to be that way. Those who are- it cannot be beaten out of them. Sorry, it has been tried before, King EL. Take care of your self.

[felix]

"Those who are- it cannot be beaten out of them". Ma mary you opinion on this forum makes me feel that you are too Liberal.
I will like to ask you this questions.
1- Is Homosexuality morally wrong?
2- Is man Goal in this our little universe aim at survival?
3- Do the family Value which man has sustain since the begining of time be wipe out or completly enrased and replac by Homoseuality?.
4-If we have mad men in our society in the Name of Homosexuals should we throw out our arms in awed and let them consumed us?Or should we fight to correct,contain or even eliminate them?
Like cancer our generation is gradually been eaten up by selfish,aggrandisement for sexual pleasure.The goal for our survival is
being compromise by Human Right and freedom.The freedom and Human Right whoses defination today is oposite and and parrell to the Laws of Nature.
Mami Mary Keeps to this rules of your freedom and Human Rights and watch the end of Humanity.
I promise you,I will never be part of it, as far as Homoseuality is concern.

[Ma Mary]

Felix, you made an very valid choice, to have nothing to do with homosexuality. I am all for that. One thing is certain, our ability as humans to reproduce and to populate the earth has never been in danger. In fact, some would argue that we have taken that too far and overpopulated the world and are using up the natural world in a way that threatens our survival. Scientists are linking the devastating succession of hurricanes to global warming, which has everything to do with too many people chasing too few resources. But, let me not go too far outside the subject.

People who do not have homosexual tendencies will never be homosexuals. That has been proven with brainscan studies (PET scans). People who are homosexuals are simply wired that way and we know not why. As I earlier stated, homosexuality has always been with us, although it was hidden in the closet. Even when I was a child, and I am not that young, there were people who were known homosexuals (both male and female) in the community, and it was a matter of scandal and discussion in hushed tones.

The problem about clamping down on homosexuality using law and order methods is two fold: one is that this particular medicine is worse than the disease, if we can call it a disease. The second is that people who are most zealous about persecuting homosexuals are usually people with homosexual tendencies who are ashamed and trying to divert attention from their little gay selves. Just check out the most antigay voices in the US senate. They tend to be the most effeminate, loose wristed guys you ever saw, walking with a distinct sway.

Felix, are you a secret gay?

[felix]

Probably Mami mary if I am one and proved to be a Gay by your courts or any law.I give myself to the stake for the sake of Humanity
There is a physical sciences and a Social Sciences we all know and the development of this two fields have taken man out of the Cage.We cann't aford to sell all of the formalto the world without some intangible reasons(morality) that it cann't explain.Let me call your attention to Gene mutation if you belief they happen,then you will agree with me that there are certain enviromental factor contributing to it that cann't be measure.Also in Brain physics there are alot of people with half brain,or Brain deffect but who instead perform excellently in life than the average human(A good example is Stephen Hawkins or John Nash both genius in the field of physics and Econmics/mathematics).What I am trying to prove is that Apples can fall on or off the earth without using Newton Law, and thus the Rules of the physical science vis-a-vis PET scans is not Absolute.
Also to say zealouts on antihomosexuals are usually pre homesexual themself is short of any science.No right thinking person will ever make a law that will presecute him first unless you want to tell us you will be the one Ma mary.
Homosexuallity is a socail illness that need be addressed,and the best way to do it is to stop it.If you find me practising it,make sure I am the first to be prosecuted.

[A]

I read your comments with intense interest and I wonder how far into the subject have you all gone to make such comments.

No explaination is due, no convincing is necessary. As much as the creator did not ask your permission to create the moon - he will never ask it to create and re-create homosexuality. And please, do not insult yourself by saying Homosexuality was created by the devil - THE DEVIL cannot create. All things were created by God - look up your ever-so-loved yet ever-so-ignored scripts for biblical confirmation. And no, I will not enter into that discussion as I do not know the mind of God...just as he said we all do not.

I am most fascinated by the proposition that homosexuality can be stopped. Thanks to Felix for that one. On behalf of anyone ("straight" and gay)who has attempted to stop homesexuality - I invite you to consider your ignorance and revisit your source that allows you to believe that sexual (by that I do not mean SEX) orientation can be prohibited.

You speak of the end of the human race and I say, if homosexuality threatned the human race, it would have ended long before you were born. It did not and it won't.

As far as homosexuality being a selfish,aggrandisement for sexual pleasure...Oh my...They say the more you speak, the more your ignorance is revealed. Yours screams. Homosexuality is not an orientation based on sexual intercourse. It's an orientation based on sexual identity and affiliation with so much more in between than the PLEASURE of sex.

To say that loving someone of the same sex is all about sexual pleasure. Is to say that loving someone of the opposite is the same.

I do not know what was on the mind of Jan Van Riebeck nor do I understand the cause, effect, and pain of Cancer - But I know what it is like to love and be loved by another woman.

And I tell you now...you have NOTHING to worry about. 'lest of cause you belong to the previously mentioned "pre-homosexual". In which case...may peace be upon you!

[T]

A...Reading you is like talking to a Homo. bUt you hittin' it right when you say its MORe trhan just SEx...yes its Favours...Power...all that...and no i do NOT understand How...but i think you do...so fill us in...on How it feels to be loved by a woman...especially as U R A WOMAN.
Peace in the middle east!

[T]

A...Reading you is like talking to a Homo. bUt you hittin' it right when you say its MORe trhan just SEx...yes its Favours...Power...all that...and no i do NOT understand How...but i think you do...so fill us in...on How it feels to be loved by a woman...especially as U R A WOMAN.
Peace in the middle east!