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Thursday, 03 December 2009

Comments

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Gan Charles

Here are my two cents:
1) Marry someone you want and not the one your family has chosen for you. You will save yourself a lot of trouble. At the end of the day only you will have to deal with the problems in your marriage.
2) Marry someone you have A LOT in common with. You will never be 100% compatible with one another. Those who have been in America for a while have experiences that very few back in Cameroon can understand. Save yourself some grief.
3) Families may want to feel like they are doing you a favour by finding a wife for you, but in most cases you know little about this person and in case of problems the family presure that may come to bear is thousands of miles away when that person is already in America.
4) Lastly, be honest with your new bride. Do not misrepresent. Whether it is about existing kids, how much money you have or the type of job you do.
Happy wedding!

Danny Boy

Ruelson,

"If she threatens to vacate her marital home because of your children, then by all means let her move on."
I would say, buy her a one-way ticket and send her back to her parents! That way she does not benefit from her scheming!
Problem is many lie low until you have sorted their stay, then their real agenda begin to surface. Hating your children from your previous relaionships might only be an excuse!
Terrible!

Kumbaboy

Treat your spouse well. Kindness, honesty and fedelity must be in place. Usually, the new wife is transmitting the hurt she gets from the husband, ocassionally with amplification, to the other children.

The are horror stories in the Cameroonian community. Forcing the other children to have cold baths, handwash their own clothing, go to school without breakfast, return to a home without cooked meals under the pretext of waiting for "Daddy" are commonplace.

If you treat the new madam well, a rarity with many Cameroonian men in America, then your other kids are more likely to get same from Madam when you are not at home. All new madams look at your cell phone statement to know who you may be talking to.

Bob Bristol

When there is a feeling of insecurity ( financial and otherwise) anything can happen. But the whole issue boils down to mentality. The limitation of the "self" is the root cause of this. Some women simply exploit the weaknesses of their partners. When a wife becomes the husband, .....

Ras tuge

The girl that would make me abandon me two wonderful little boys ain't born yet. Man dis rotten attitude is widespread among some of these vindictive and useless chicks from Africa. Dem make alot of noise, but can't even sex!

Silly chatty-mouth dem from England dem say a wey me ado witha good Babylon girl? Another one say darling i love you, and i promise to climb di Bumboklaat mountain and swim di Indian ocean for you. Africa girls dem look innocent and harmless till dem get released from the cage. Then they become killers! But me just too smart fi dem.

Peter Forkou

I am really tired of people bashing our African women who come here and work hard to maintain a home. Most of these kids that you are talking about are from relationships that these men could not handle. Cameroonian men have a lot to blame for the actions of these women. When they get loans and go back home to get married they don't give the real picture of their situations here in the US, and when these girls come they are disappointed and I see with them. Why are we always moving from one woman to another leaving children behind? The answer to this question will solve the mystery that this author is trying to blame on Cameroonian women whether they be from the village or not. I still don't understand why people ask their parents to look for women for them. Didn't they have sweet hearts when they were growing up? I am confuse about these.
Don't disparage our women, they are working hard to keep some of the men you are trying to support.

JJ Thompson

My dear friend, please refrain from generalising based on personal experiences. Go into the community and do your homework before you post an article on such a topic. I would love to see numbers. By numbers, I mean percentages of what ever you are trying to portray, based on a sample.
Thanks

Watchman Neva

Our African men and women have a problem. We think America is heaven. As good as America may appear, it has its downside. We have allowed materialism to control the way we think and act. We think money is the answer. We have given a false impression to others back home about America. We have given the impression that America is a land of sweat-less prosperity and that it is easy to make lots of money here. Thats why we borrow money for weddings, etc. When we get back home we do not tell the truth of what we do and what we earn. We pretend to be what we are not.

If we dream of raising a family, lets aim for a quality family, not dysfunctional families of children here and there. American materialism is destroying African families here. We have pursued money to the detriment of quality family upbringing. Many of us say we are here for the sake of our children. We are fighting for their future to give them a better future than what we have in Cameroon,Africa. The truth is, so many of these children will grow to be misfits neither fitting in this system nor in the African system. Let us pray and seek God's face about how we are raising our children here in America. Money and materialism is not the answer. Let us seek God's face and God's ways.

Ma Mary

Watchman Neva has a point there. People come to America and fall in love with stuff and the accumulation of stuff. Then the children suffer. You asked the question that came to mind after I read this article. Who are these children from former relationships? A powerful consideration for not having kids with multiple partners is the children. Even when it is hard, stay married because you love your kids. OK, it is not a perfect world, but the fairy tales are full of stories about wicked step parents. When a patriarch lion dies, is killed or chased away by another lion, the new boss lion goes around and murders the young cubs sired by the former boss. There is something dark and primal and scary about the stepchild/step parent relationship, and it is in the literature and the world myths for a reason. Don't get me wrong. A lot of step parents are excellent, but you never know! Do not put your kids into that situation if at all possible.

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