Compulsive-Addictive Behaviors in the Christian Family

By

 Professor Peter Wuteh Vakunta, Ph.D.

 

 

 

I greet you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. The scriptural texts used in the crafting of this discourse is chosen from Ephesians 5:3-5:

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." [NIV]

The word ‘addict’ stems from the Latin word ‘addictus’  which means a debtor awarded as a slave to his creditor. An addict is virtually enslaved to his addiction. In contemporary society, we are aware of folks who are unrepentant addicts. Millions in our society are alcoholics. The same is true for nicotine and other drug addictions. Our society is replete with workaholics who are unable to draw a line between work and family life. Others are controlled by gambling and/or sex. Many more are couch potatoes. Some cannot stop eating. These are bulimics. It is easy to come up with a list longer that this one. But if I gloss over the numerous compulsive-addictive behaviors that plague our society today, I would be doing a disservice to families where these are real problems. Their plight is too deep to be taken lightly. They are living in real pain.

Consider the case of the head of a household who comes home drunk every day.  His slurred words are crude and abusive. Imagine the fear in the eyes of his spouse and kids. Ponder the sadness of parents whose son or daughter is hooked on drugs. You can almost feel their despair. They are facing a monster they don’t know how to combat. Pay a visit to a patient in the final stages of lung cancer. You know that this person deserves a longer life and a more dignified death.  You cannot argue with the spouse who prays for the day when cigarettes would be banned. Imagine the tears welling in the eyes of a person whose spouse is a workaholic. Gambling and pornography are wreaking irreparable havoc in our families, even churchgoing families. This list suffices.

I just wanted to be certain that we are in touch with the pain that is caused by compulsive-addictive behaviors in our families. Oftentimes, it’s hard to differentiate between the two terms. As I see it, it is helpful to perceive addiction as a behavior that enslaves the individual to something. His or her monster may be alcohol, drugs, sex, food, cigarettes, pornography, television, job, gambling or spending. The individual is controlled by such a monster and submits to its push. By contrast, compulsive behavior is an irresistible impulse to perform irrational acts. For instance, a person may become compulsive about hand-washing or cleaning the house time and again. There’s nothing wrong with washing one’s hands or cleaning one’s house unless these things are done mindlessly and incessantly. In the same vein, there’s nothing wrong with talking unless someone can’t stop talking; which means that the person is a compulsive talker. I am sure you know people like that. Compulsive behavior is probably not as dire as addictive patterns, but at times the two categories nudge up against each other.

As with all addictions, compulsive behavior engenders frustration and may constitute a factor that occasions sin as we shall see below. Someone who is a compulsive complainer, who finds fault with everyone and everything, who becomes a pro at spotting the flaws of everyone else but themselves can drive everyone nuts, even those in their immediate family. The same holds true for a compulsive talker. It is not infrequent that such flaws are passed on from one generation to the next. In this vein, addiction to criticism, gossip, backstabbing, negativity and workaholism are repeated. The Bible harbors irrefutable truths about the impact of compulsive-addictive behaviors on the lives of Christians. Remember the Biblical accounts of Abram’s habit of lying about his wife Sarai when they traveled in unfamiliar settings? (Genesis 12:11-20). Abram lied twice about his wife. What is worse, Isaac, Abram’s son copied his father’s behavior and also lied. Lies also marked the lives of Isaac’s twin sons—Jacob and Esau. And would you believe that this habit of telling half-truths also characterized Jacob’s sons who broke his heart by telling him that Joseph had been killed by a wild animal when in fact they had sold him into slavery (Genesis 37:12-36). How often do we see this pattern of inter-generational sin in our secular and Christian families?

Sadly enough, when compulsive-addictive people become church members, they import the same problematic behaviors into the church. People who are always late to school or work, have an even greater problem arriving at church on time. In subsequent years, their children would probably become later-comers to church as well. And most likely so will their grandchildren. The person who compulsively bad-mouths others will not desist from this misconduct whether or not s/he is talking about the pastor, the music director or any other member of the church family. To put this simply, an individual who is prone to gossip will bring that addiction from home right into the church unless a major healing (deliverance) occurs. The compulsive urge to be a control freak will mark a person’s life whether that person is at work or at church. Simply stated, compulsive-addictive behavior doesn’t mysteriously disappear as soon as someone drives into the parking lot of a church.The question that begs to be asked at this juncture is what should be done to eradicate these addictive behaviors.

First and foremost, the church as to be proactive in graciously helping compulsive-addictive members to regain their freedom from the chains of addictive behavior. To do so, the church has to fall back on the Word of God. In Ephesians 5: 5; 8:11-14, Paul discusses the remedies needed to eradicate these sorts of problems within the church family. The church must play a proactive role in ensuring that positive attitudes remain the hallmarks of the comportment of its members.  The Bible teaches unconditional love (Luke 6: 27-28; 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:9 and 1 John 4:16).It also teaches humility (Mark 9: 35; Romans 12: 16; Philippians 2:3 and James 3: 13).Christ’s truth must be the moral yard-stick that we use to measure our performance as followers of Christ.  God is truth. It goes without the saying that as followers of Christ, it behooves us to adopt Christ’s model of truthful existence. The Bible provides numerous references to this effect (John 14:6; John 17:17; 2 Timothy 2:15; Psalm 25:5; Ephesians 6:14; Ephesians 4:21, Romans 1:25 and Proverbs 12:22).

Secondly, the onus is on the church to help congregants effect a paradigm shift. This should begin with a deliberate attempt to effect lifestyle changes—a quest for a new mindset. To this end, members of the church should be willing to trade off their coat of perfectionism to one of contentment. It has to reckon with the fact that the family will not change unless individuals within the family change.  Church families are not an exception. Church families improve only to the extent to which nuclear families within the church have gotten better.

Thirdly, as Christians our call is to acknowledge and accept the sovereignty of God. Understanding the omnipotence of God is something that will flow naturally from a person’s faith. When you have faith in God and all that He is, praising Him becomes something that just seems right. We serve a God that created the universe, that brought us from dirt, that freed slaves, that rained fire that parted seas, that gave us His son, that had Him die on the cross for our sins, that defeated death, that rose again, and will one day return. When we know these truths about God Almighty, faith comes into us and we are humbled (Psalm 135:6; Proverbs 16:9; Romans 9:14-18 and Romans 8:28).

Last but not least, we must nurse the spirit of brotherhood within the Church family. If we’d do this, then mutual hatred, condescension, backstabbing and petty gossips would dissipate. Fortunately, when there is a spirit of breakthrough, in a Christian’s life, it produces a positive effect on the lives of other members of the church family. As Christians, we must strive to be the light for others to follow.  If we adopt these attitudes and ask God through prayer and supplication to relieve us of our compulsive-addictive behaviors, He would do it. In conclusion, I invite you to accompany me in saying the following prayer:

O God,

We praise you for your power to make all things new.

Empower us to break free from compulsive patterns that inhibit us,

So that we can enjoy the wholeness of life you offer us.

Thank you for often surprising us by the miraculous

Ways you bring healing to our lives. Amen.