By
Professor Peter Wuteh Vakunta
Some sick dong kam for Kamerun
Yi bad sotai taim no dei,.
Da sick dem di call’am sei tchoko.
Tchoko na popo come no go!
All Camers dem dong katch da sick!
Dem daso tchoko, soso tchoko!
Big man tchoko, small man tchoko!
Katika tchoko, tchotchoro tchoko!
Da sick trong sotai pass all pipo.
You wan throway nye for youa dossier
For any office for Ongola,
Dem go sei mek you tchoko.
Tchoko na popo ‘cancer’ for Ongola-o!
You wan write concours,
Dem go sei mek you tchoko.
Tchoko na popo SIDA for Cameroon-o!
You wan put pikin for sukulu,
Dem go sei mek you tchoko.
Tchoko na popo ‘ Corona’ for we own kontri-o!
Mbere-khaki stop youa jalopy for road,
Yi go daso sei mek chaffeur tchoko,
Haha Haha! Massa! No which kain kontri dis?
Tchoko na popo ‘pandemie’ for Abakwa-o!
Woman wan born for hospita,
Dem go daso tok sei mek yi tchoko.
Tchoko na popo come no go for Nooremac-o!
Youa repe meng,
You wan mof yi die body for ‘mortuary’,
Dem go sei mek you tchoko.
Ah Ah! Da mean sei Satan yi sef
Gring dis palava tchoko?
Tchoko na Sick Number One
For di Republic of Clando-o!
You go for fain boulot,
If dem no ask you for gif lass,
Dem go sei mek you tchoko.
Heh Maleh! Heh Maleh!
No wandaful oh! Man go dei oh!
Chômencam for Ngolo-o!
Tchoko na barlok sick-o!
You wan mek mariage for Eglise,
Fada go sei mek you tchoko.
Da sick dong katch sef pipo for church-o!
Youa pikin wan tek baptism,
Pastor go sei mek you tchoko.
Yi dei like sei God for Ongola
Yi sef dong gring dis palava for tchoko!
Tchoko na popo AIDS for Cameroon-o!
How wey yi be so,
Wusai we go tek megan
Kam mof dis barlok sick dei heh?
Magan pipo for Oku,
Dong try yi pass dem.
Melecin pipo for Nyos,
Dong try yi pass dem.
Marabout dem for Adamawa,
Dong try yi pass dem.
Malam dem for Foumbot,
Dong try wit gris-gris yi daso pass dem!
Mukala for bled for wat dem
Dong try wit white-man megan,
Yi daso pass dem daso.
Na yi wey ‘Transparency International’
Dem dong vex sotai dem tok sei:
Cameroon na di 'Sick Man of Africa'!
Woomoh! Woomoh! Woomoh! Barlok-eh!
Na which kain barlok tchoko sick dis eh!
Yeee! Ein! Yeee! Ein! Yeee! Ein!
About the author
Professor Vakunta teaches French Linguistics and Francophone Literature at the University of Indianapolis where he served as Chair of the Department of Global Languages and Cross-Cultural Studies (2013-2018). He has under his belt several theoretical and fictional publications and a sizeable number of articles in peer-reviewed journals. He also teaches for the Defense Language Institute headquartered in Monterey-California.
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